Fail. Fail. Fail.

So after an embarrassing display of tired, cranky behavior at our small group church meeting, the kids get in the car for the ride home. And immediately begin to scream and cry. (I would just like to point out that it WAS past their bedtime. At the end of a busy weekend. Okay, now that I've tried to justify the behavior you're about to witness, carry on.)

Jannika is crying because I've just banned all dessert-eating for the next day (for behavior that may have included kicking both me and our group leader, Fletch...who's child is this, anyways?). Silas is crying because he wants Rob to turn on kid songs. Jannika stops crying and starts screaming because, ironically, Silas' crying appears to literally be breaking her eardrums. (Puh-lease.)

Me, I've mentally shut down and given up.
And Rob? He's the master of THE worst distraction techniques ever.

Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika: [screaming and crying]
Me: [lost in a safe, happy place...way deep in a dark, scary corner of my mind]
Silas: [more screaming]
Jannika, screaming: "SI-LAS-STOP-SCREAM-ING!!!"
Rob: "Hey! Look! A sign! It's a man with a bike on his head!!"  *FAIL
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika: [screaming and crying]
Rob: "Hey! I've got a joke! Knock knock!"
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika: [screaming and crying]
Rob: "HEY. I'VE GOT A JOKE.... KNOCK. KNOCK."
Jannika, snarling: "I don't WANT to say who's there!"
Rob: "Knock knock!"
Jannika, screaming: "WHO'S!! THERE!!"
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Rob: "Interrupting sheep!"
Jannika: "Interrupting sheep w--"
Rob, bleating: "BAAAAAAAAAA!"
Jannika, crying: "Interrupt--"
Rob, bleating: "BAAAAAAAAAA!"
Jannika, screaming: "INTERRUPTING SHEE--"
Rob, bleating: "BAAAAAAAAAA!"
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika, screaming: "INTERRUPTI--"
Rob, bleating: "BAAAAAAAAAA!"
Me: [overcome by the sheer vocal volume surrounding me, starting to laugh like a crazy person]
Jannika, screaming: "DAAAAAD!!! STOP I-"
Rob, bleating: "BAAAAAAAAAA!" *FAIL
Me: [shaking with laughter]
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika: [renewed screaming and crying]
Rob: "Here! Let's sing a song!"
Silas: [screaming and crying]
Jannika, screaming: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!'
Rob, crooning: "BLUUUUUUUE SHADOWS--" [louder screaming and crying] "--ON THE TRAIL. LITTLE COWBOY, CLOSE YOUR EYES--" [screaming and crying] "--AND DREAM. ALL OF THE DOGGIES ARE IN THE CORRAL..." [screaming and crying] *FAIL
Me: [tears streaming down my face]
Rob, resigned: "Fine." [turns on the radio and blasts Latin club music...all...the...way...home...] *FAIL
Silas: [choking on tears from screaming and crying]
Jannika: [hyperventilating from screaming and crying]
Me: [unable to breathe from laughter]

There is no redeeming part to this story. It was just nine minutes of sheer stress, horribleness, and hilarity.

I think they were both asleep within 4 seconds of their heads hitting the pillow 45 seconds after walking in the door. Not that that makes this any less embarrassing.