February 21, 2013

Chart Attack

Apparently "Chart Attack" is a real something. Is that Napoleon Dynamite on the left?

So, in another attempt to explain the very straightforward and clear system of laundry sorting that is totally lost on Rob, I made a chart. It only took 30 minutes, which is really impressive to myself (considering my bedtime routine is at least 30 minutes of brushing/flossing/mouthwashing my teeth, washing/moisturizing my face, and peeing/reading 93 pages of Glamor/getting Rob worried I fell into the toilet).

Rob: What are you working on?
Me: A chart to help you sort your dirty laundry.
Rob: Nice! Now the kids can do it themselves. Great idea!
Me, feeling a little guilt for mean incompetent-laundry-sorting thoughts directed at Rob just 30 seconds before: Uh...yes. They are so clueless.
Side note - The real location of this file on my computer: C:\Users\Cob\Documents\Household Running\OCD Charts. You would not believe the trove of treasure to be found there.

Once it was hung (in a protective plastic sleeve, of course - I'm not joking about those sweaty clothes in the back bin), I reveled in my own sheer genius and overwhelming artistic skill. (Shut it.) It got me thinking of other useful charts I could make. I mean, charts like these could really clear up the abundance of practical  obvious  self-explanatory  apparently confusing rules I have.

For instance, this one taped to the kitchen window would be super helpful:

10 to 1 odds that Rob is distracted by the dwarf hamster at this very moment and laughing.

And something like this taped to my forehead between 5pm and 10pm might come in handy:
25 to 1 that Rob has now forgotten the hamster and is calling out to protest the last one. For twelve years I've been throwing this fun little nugget into his face to tease him. For twelve years he's been denying he ever said it.
He did.

And finally, this one taped to the bathroom mirror might finally clear up any shaving confusion:

Seriously. I am so helpful.

Still confused? Let me help further!

(I'm going to have to find some seriously self-deprecating story to tell next time to make up for the amount of teasing directed at Rob here. He'll be demanding retribution. And growing a beard in protest.)

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