Ode to Mom, Part I

To understand this Ode to Mom, it is necessary to understand that my parents have...er, acquired eight kids over the years. Well, nine if you count the one to be adopted this summer. Well, actually ten if you count the one who lives with us but isn't adopted. Well, then there are always another one to three on top of that who are foster kids. So if you ask me how many siblings I have, I'll first count for a few minutes on my fingers, then hesitantly give you an answer somewhere between eight and twelve. And they're all younger than I - some by 29 years - so my Happy Mother's Day salutations always come in some shocked form of "how in the world do you do it, still look good doing it, still stay sane, and still look like you're 34?" (And here I will refer to the contents of this entire blog to give an idea of how I do it - please see "Questionable parenting," how I look doing it - please see "Bad fashion," and how questionable my sanity is - please see "Unseemly confessions." Yep.) So here is Ode to Mom, Part I from my Mother's Day card last year: Stay tuned for Part II (or stay away for a few days to avoid it).

Ode to Mom

Rinse the dishes, swab the floor,

Drink some coffee, clean some more.

Fix a meal and wipe a nose,

Peel off stinky peed-on clothes.

Change a diaper, wipe the table,

Sip some coffee when you’re able.

Clip a coupon, read a book,

Halt a fight with just one look.

Cook a chicken, help with math,

Gulp down coffee, draw a bath.

Dust a ledge and shop some sales,

Give a haircut, trim some nails.

Tuck in sheets, gather laundry,

Swig some coffee, clean up sundries.

Plunge the toilet, kill a bee,

Call the school and mop up pee.

Scrub a head with ceaseless rigor,

Knock back coffee for some vigor.

Shop St. Vinny’s, plait a braid,

Check to see each bed is made.

Patch some pants and tie a shoe,

Too much coffee - hit the loo.

Too much coffee - start to shake.

Too much coffee - take a break.

Might as well check 13 Down,

Scan for rummage sales ‘round town,

Cheat on Sunday’s Super Quiz,

Eat your doughnut, hug your kids -

A well-earned rest, I’d have to say.

Have a happy, blissful Mother’s Day!

I love you, Mom!