May 07, 2011

My bittersweet privilege

Six years ago, on the eve of what was supposed to be my first Mother's Day, I experienced my second consecutive miscarriage. I can't explain the horrific terror that overcame me when the church we were visiting asked all mothers to stand. And I can't explain the thunderous deluge of emotions that left me seated and sobbing while deafening applause numbed my ears...applause not for me.

But the tragedy that was that Mother's Day was re-birthed into the pure joy I experienced with the birth of my daughter, the child I would never have met had that second pregnancy reached full term. So in a way, I had the bittersweet privilege of loving two babies in the time I normally would have only loved one.

And I wouldn't go back and exchange that love for anything.


Shauna Na-na1 said...

I will never forget how horrible I felt for you during that time! Yet, I never really knew what you were thinking until we lost a baby last year. Sure makes you thankful for the healthy children you do have!

cobandrob said...

Oh, Shauna, I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's just one of those things that, unless it happens to you, you just have no idea. None. Ugh. (Have I mentioned just how cute your boys are?? ...if you can't tell already from my FB "likes" on your photos - I have to restrain myself...)