June 28, 2013

A Cow by Any Other Name

It all started with Sake.

Except that it was actually this Sake.

When we gave Jannika a doll for her 3rd birthday, I knew I was playing with fire by letting her name it. In case you're unaware, if you ask a three-year-old to name something, the first thing she'll do is start looking around the room.

Um, no.
Here, let's turn off the TV while we try this. C'mon kid, focus!

My first thought was AWESOME!
My second thought was I will be judged.
And only then How the heck does she know what sake is?
And then I went back to AWESOME!

Jannika looked at Sake, reverently smoothed her dress, and explained, "I like her socks."
Me, "Yeah, they're nice, I guess. But I like her name better!"
Jannika, "That's why Sockie is perfect."

Dang. Sockie. Of course.

And then she got a stuffed loon. Yep, Loony. And from there it snowballed. We now have a Hedgie, Lamby, Ferrety, and Kangie.

I am somewhat proud of myself for grinding my teeth and bearing it. I'm the mom who has banned the game "playing babies" unless friends come over and then I set a timer and tell them they must stop when it dings. And by "stop" I mean "cease immediately under penalty of death." I'm the mom who, when Silas lapses into preschool-learned fake baby talk, answers with a snarled, "Babies don't get snacks. They're fed mushed peas - want some of those to eat?" I'm the mom who refused to serve Jannika a glass of "milkie" and then gave her water when she tried again with a, "May I please have some milk?" and then wheezed out a quiet "eeeeeeee" under her breath.

But I bore this stupid naming tradition with patience, and in the end I was rewarded when Silas got this guy in his stocking:

Jannika took one look, and announced with excited flourish, "I've got it! I know his name!! HORNY!"
Silas, getting into it, "YEAH! See? He's so horny!"
Jannika, agreeing excitedly, "He IS horny!"
Silas, "He's so soft! Feel Horny, mom!"
Me, crying with laughter, "I don't know - dad might want to feel Horny first."
Rob, horrified, "No, not Horny. Let's call him Tex or something."
Jannika, disappointed, "But he's Horny!"
Silas, "Yeah! He's Horny!"
Me, crying silently, ".................."
Silas, thinking a moment, "Okay, how about Cow-Cow?"
Jannika, looking at the armadillo she got, "I'll name mine Armadilloey."
Me, still laughing and wiping away tears, "Of course you will."

Want more inappropriate kid conversations? Read the mother of them all HERE.
I'm not joking. It may be the worst. Except this time I wasn't laughing.

Sake image courtesy of Carlos Porto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Sockie the Baby can be bought here


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