January 05, 2012

The smell you smell when you get out of jail

 Where have I been for two weeks?

Mostly in Wisconsin...

1. ...in various forms of this position for 17 of my 18 daily waking hours:
And this is how I gained 0.44 pounds per day in WI. Please don't do the math.
2. ...participating in KenKen breakfast competitions.
Take out all your math compulsions on this.
The first morning my mom set the table with juice glasses, forks, spoons, and, on each plate, a newspaper puzzle page. And after we all laughed, she sat down and abruptly announced, "Go." The closest I can come to the crazy that overtook me is like entering Kohls on a 70% off clearance day with a 30% off everything coupon in hand: breathless, panicked, and determined to win. Which I didn't.

3. ...not shaving. The entire time. First of all, with between 14 and 23 people sleeping (and showering) at my parents' house each day, showers had to be fast and ended up being mostly lukewarm. Second, there's an unspoken rule that you can't lock the bathroom door there while in the shower; unless you want to stand in tepid water while 83 people open the bathroom door 127 times while you shave off all the goosebumps on your legs, you just don't bother.
This is an example. This is only an example. If this had been my actual leg, I might have thrown up in disgust and saved myself one 0.44lb day of weight gain.
Third, my dad couldn't start the dishwasher after breakfast until all showers were done...which meant there were no dishes for lunch...which meant we'd get all off-schedule in our eating (as in "we'd have to pause for 40 minutes")...which usually accounted for most of the lost hour in item #1.

4. ...laughing at the size of our family. One night we all went for a winter walk in the dark, and I'm fairly certain the two cars that slowed to stare at us thought we were an entire neighborhood of carolers (or a roving gang of giants). Then when my little sister Keera was baptized on Christmas and the pastor invited us brothers and sisters to join her up front, laughter rang out when two full benches of siblings stood up and rolled forward in an absurdly tall wave.

5. ...sick with the worst cold in history. My eye sockets were so pressure-filled that it probably looked like I was crying in happiness at the joy of thrift store shopping for hours with my mom and sister Kendra. Which I would have been, regardless. But I'll blame it on the cold. What's one more layer of germs on that stuff anyways?

On an almost unrelated note, Rob and I have found a new favorite album by Shinyribs called "Well after While." The song I most love in the world at the moment is called "Poor People's Store" which is so... not... northern. Because the real title should be "Po' People Sto'" and the guy performs in overalls at concerts. So anyways, I just find delight in this little tune and never stopped to think the kids were actually listening... until we went camping this fall and I overheard Jannika singing softly in a bathroom stall nearby, "You can get mo' at the po' people sto', the po' people sto' you can get it, doobedoobedoobe..."

Want a little taste of the south? Open wide! (No, wider. Wider. Um...just unhinge your jaw.)

Last week I confiscated a huge batch of retro Little People my mom had been stockpiling from garage sales and thrift stores for my kids. After we got home to Texas, Silas, all-wise and all-knowing, leaned over to Rob while playing Little People and announced, "Know where mama got this stuff? The po' people sto'."

[wipe away another sinus pressure tear of joy]

Happy New Year, y'all!


Ellis Swingen said...

i am so disappointed you didn't win the kohl's game. so incredibly disappointed.

Ellis Swingen said...

ellis didn't write that. he is too busy chewing on a piece of glass.