October 25, 2011

Speaking of ugly photos...(now with new bonus features!!)

So I'm unphotogenic. Highly. Rob has gotten a good photo of me, say, three times this year, which maybe sounds OK, but our "Photos - 2011" file contains 3,028 photos so far this year. Even subtracting out Rob's strangely-high number of self portraits, the ratio isn't too hot.

My other problem: I can't sleep in the car without looking like a moron. No matter what manner of pillowish contraption I've devised out of Silas' backup car diapers stuffed into fast food bags, I always manage to end up with my head tipped to the ceiling and my mouth hanging open. And how do I know this?

Because of an even worse problem: Rob likes to photograph me in this position as often as possible. 

And if I don't wake up when we stop for gas, he'll stick his finger in my nostril while taking the photo.

These shots always contribute quite nicely to high number unphotogenic photos that are promptly dumped into my computer's trash at the completion of each vacation. So every car trip, as soon as I'm feeling a little drowsy in the passenger seat, I hide the camera in the mountains of car snacks and kid toys and crossword puzzle books that are all piled at my feet. And what happens? Rob takes a photo with his phone. Not that I necessarily yearn for the focusing clarity of our real camera at moments like these, but the strange morphing of strange angles with the camera phone leaves a little to be desired. And produces shots like these:

Surprisingly? I wasn't possessed by a poltergeist here.

Surprisingly? I didn't have a broken neck. (It's hard to tell.) Or a large Adam's apple. (Unbelievable as it may seem.)

Surprisingly? It's a little hard for me to look at this without wanting to punch myself for having features that could physically produce results like these, warpy camera lenses aside.

Surprisingly? It was physically painful clicking "X-Large" when choosing the publishing size of the above photo. My somewhat sensitive ego is itching to post something in retaliation. Just something small, like this:
My one good shot from Jan '11-Apr '11

But that would probably be pretty shallow.

Plus I'm not entirely sure how many of you still have intact eyeballs at this point. I'm blaming Rob for any and all gouging action. Just be thankful I've been diligent in deleting the other 30+ shots over the years and was unable to post any more...

**6/21/12 UPDATE

Apparently I am not safe (or any better looking) in the backseat either.
Keep up the safe driving, Rob.


Shelley said...

Hahahahaha!  THis is hilarious!  I'm smiling so big right now!  Love ya Cob!

Shelley said...

Hahahahaha!  THis is hilarious!  I'm smiling so big right now!  Love ya Cob!