April 10, 2012

Clash of the Texans

Somewhat low-maintenance mom + totally UNsouthern NONgirly parenting philosophy = children often baffled by the outside Texas world.

Take, for example, when Jannika's class reached the letter "L" for show-and-tell at preschool. Every single girl in her class (albeit, there are only about four of them in a class of 16) brought in - drumroll, please - lipstick as their show-and-tell. Sigh.

Jannika? Her favorite safari lion.

At first (I have to admit) I was kinda proud. Take that, you overly-image-driven put-girls-in-their-corners culture!

And then Jannika talked about "the chapstick that wasn't really like chapstick but kind of dark like a crayon." And then I realized she didn't even know the word lipstick.

Believe it or not, I've never burned my bra. And I even wear mascara when I'm not too lazy. And - although I don't use it - I actually own a hair-straightener. How could my daughter not know the word lipstick? What kind of a mom am I??

A bad one, apparently.

And then we went through a phase where suddenly (much to Rob's dismay) she stopped drawing pictures of the lantana plants and magnolia tree in our yard and started drawing - dare I say it - PRINCESSES. Except she kept talking about something that was on their shoulders and why did their dresses look silly and I couldn't figure out what in the world she was talking about. Until I realized she was trying to describe puffed sleeves.

Those are called "puffed sleeves."
But why do they look so silly?
Well...I'm not sure. It's just decoration, I guess?
Like a peacock's tail?
Or an okapi's stripes?
[Crap. What did an okapi look like again?] Uh, yes? Just like that. Or like the chapstick that's kind of dark like a crayon.
[Rolling her eyes.] Moooom. That's called lipchapstick. 'Member? You taught me.


So when I heard the kids laughing in the living room this morning, I went in to find them giggling over an ad for a spa. Silas, heartily laughing, pointed to the photo and exclaimed, "Dat girl have CUCUMBER SALAD on her eyebauws!" (Eyeballs: his favorite word. I hear it at least 14 times a day.) And Jannika laughed along, demanding, "Why would a girl have CUCUMBER SALAD on her eyes?? That's so WEIRD."

Yes. I'll admit it. My eyes are probably puffy; I only make vinegary salads with my cucumbers. And my white spa robe is reserved for wearing over my clothes the entire winter. And the last time I bought lipchapstick was about six years ago.

I am mom. Hear me roar.

Who am I kidding? Go ahead and feel sorry for Rob. I do.


TheBoeskool said...

If you ever. EVER! Refer to yourself as a "bad mom" for not indoctrinating your daughter into the rules of our messed up, hyper-sexualized, misogynistic, make-up and image obsessed society, I will honesty drive to Texas with Ashley Judd and we will both slap you upside your dense head.

cobandrob said...

haha! I just feel like she should be informed of the basics? Maybe not. I never thought I'd have to teach a 5 1/2 year-old "lipstick" in this day and age. Good news I guess! :)

Ariel11117 said...

Craig would say Rob has it made because at least you cook. He had peanut butter and ritz for dinner.