July 05, 2011

Bon stinkin' appetit

I like to watch TV while cooking dinner. Well, I really just like to watch TV. But I have to make dinner, and as I really really like to watch TV, I may as well soften the irritating blow of annoying dinner prep by combining the two.

The ironic thing in all this is that I really really love Food Network. So here I am, preparing my chicken to grill with my newest dry rub recipe and feeling pretty good. I mean, just the words dry rub stink of kitchen sophistication and cooking know-how.

Alas, while feeling all Paula Deeny, I start watching Giada De Laurentiis throw together an amazing meal for a hot date with her husband. There are heavy sauces and succulent meats and arugula salads and $80 bottles of wine. And I have chicken. With no planned sauces or sides. Granted, there's dry rub. But it's dry. And it really only consists of like 5 ingredients...one being garlic powder...and another being garlic salt. Yup.

And this is how every dinner prep goes. I'm not sure why I do it, but I do.

So as I'm scrambling for some form of vegetable and bread from my pantry and feeling like a super crappy cook and wife, I start thinking of all the other times I've been caught red-handed in this situation.

For instance, I sometimes find myself eating an entire bag of marshmallows or making "dessert tortillas" (a tortilla with melted butter and chocolate chips and brown sugar...swanky...) while watching The Biggest Loser. And symptom checking myself on webmd while watching Grey's Anatomy. And hacking my nails off while watching America's Next Top Model. And turning on Extreme Couponing and seeing the shelves and shelves of excess food items in basements after I just made my kids microwaved American cheese sandwiches for breakfast because I didn't have cereal or milk or butter or peanut butter because I hadn't gone shopping in over a week because I ran out of time to cut out my measly $2.75-worth of coupons savings from the Sunday paper because I was too busy watching TV the night before. So You Think You Can Dance, if you're interested. (That viewing experience contained no irony, however - I have not yet found myself dancing while watching the show. Which is a good thing. For my own dignity. And everyone able to see me through my open blinds.)

In case you're wondering, I did prepare a salad to go with my chicken dry rub greatness for dinner tonight. And it has baby spinach to spark up the romaine hearts, some green onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, and - prepare yourself - cilantro thrown in. Thanks, Giada, for guilting me into a creation that probably would have been microwaved frozen broccoli (and 30 minutes less of my time) if I had any say in the matter. Bon stinkin' appetit. Stupid TV. I should really get back to my show, however.

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