April 21, 2011

The shaky egg - updated!

This morning I had a harrowing experience at the Texas Department of Public Safety with the two kids - the computerized queue system experienced some glitch that left a number of us holding tickets that were not called for over an hour and a half, and people started actually fighting and yelling with the workers (and in the silence following a security guard entering and commanding, "QUIET DOWN AND TAKE YOUR SEATS, PEOPLE!" Jannika remarked quite audibly, "Mom, did you know that mooses are largest members of the deer family?" - easy there, Bindi Irwin - which produced a glare from the officer and a few snickers from around the room). But I was able to leave two hours later, temporary drivers license in one hand and a super grumpy Silas writhing in the other. Fabulous.

And then to keep Silas awake on the ride home, I found some Laurie Berkner on my iPhone (which is actually loaded with music now - I know, hard to believe) and cranked up the volume. Laurie is the ONE children's artist that Rob and I actually fully enjoy (try listening to Victor Vito or The Goldfish a few times... I mean, really, what a bunch of lovely nonsense). And one of my kiddos' favorites is called I Know a Chicken.

Now I Know a Chicken is one of those songs that is just so dang fun because you get to shake an imaginary shaky egg not only fast but - wait for it - yes, also slow. Yes, this is what my BA in English and art has whittled down to. Laurie knows a chicken who laid an egg, and (oh, my goodness!) it's a shaky egg! So you shake your eggs fast and slow, in circles, etc. However, most of the time, the kids will just sing along, but I needed Silas AWAKE, so I started shaking my shaky egg from the driver's seat. Sure enough, Silas starts grinning and Jannika starts shaking her shaky egg and giggling, mostly out of "my mom is weird" embarrassment.

And then, while stopped at a red light and still shaking my imaginary shaky egg, I look over to see a van with two youngish guys in construction garb has stopped next to me. And those guys are leaning over to get a better view. And are howling with laughter. At me. Shaking my shaky egg.

And I start to comprehend what they're probably NOT seeing - like the kids behind the tinted windows in the row behind me. The kids who would maybe not completely justify this horrendously-embarrassing scene, but who would at least give some context to my behavior.

So instead of doing something fantastically not me like giving my imaginary egg a little shake in their direction and dazzling them with a smile, I double over. As in, wedge my head under the steering wheel.

Seconds after this idiotic decision, I then realize that I won't be able to see the light change. But I've already committed myself to the double over, and all the stubbornness in me makes me stay there until I start hearing horns behind me...which is when I emerge with the best "shoot, can't find that dropped earring back" look that I can possibly muster and peel away from that light like a madwoman, leaving a trail of burnt rubber in my wake.

**Way overdue update**
We received this little gem after Laurie and her crew read this post and wanted to send the kids something:
 Sacrificing my dignity for my kids' benefit once again.