March 22, 2011

The art of passive-AGRESSIVE apologies

How apologies go at our house with a complicated daughter and a twinkly-eyed son:

Jannika swats Silas over some trivial matter down in the basement, then comes upstairs to tell on herself. (I mean, really...what do I do with this?) Under direct threat of a heftier punishment, she goes in search of Silas to apologize and give love. Two minutes later, Silas (with a smirk on his face) comes tearing by with Jannika following him, sobbing, "Silas! Silas! Come back here! I have to talk to you!" ...And then I hear down the hall (with audible fist-on-back punching to the beat of each word), "[thump]Silas [thump]I [thump]said [thump]stop [thump]running [thump]I [thump]have [thump]to [thump]apologize"...

...followed by a pause and then an absurdly contrite, "Sorry, Sy-Guy, for hitting you downstairs."

Not 30 minutes later (after tears are wiped, a timeout is given, and Silas' back is checked for bruises), Silas sits (with impressive gusto) on Jannika, who's lying on the floor, playing...revenge at its sweetest. I hear the wooomph of air leaving her lungs and just cringe. Sure enough, Jannika enters, clutching her chest and dramatically wheezing, to tell on Silas. Under direct threat of a heftier punishment, Silas goes over to a crying Jannika to apologize and give love. Now with a renewed twinkle in his eye, he gets his face within an inch of Jannika's face (mind you, the little stinker completely knows Jannika's personal, preferences) and murmurs with questionable sincerity and a well-hidden smirk, "Sawwy Naka" to his stone-faced sister (I'm not fooled, but it completely melts everyone's heart in a three-room vicinity). And then he leans over and does it again. And again. Stinker. So Jannika, of course, shoves him away to a safe four-foot radius, which causes him to fall backwards into the TV cabinet. Aaaaaaand we start all over again.

Today marks the point in my life where I feel as though I can legitimately add a WWE referee title to my resume (in addition to my already-appended microwaved plastic cheese sandwiches for breakfast gourmet chef and coffee barista/addict job titles).

I still haven't been promoted to unappreciated personal slave to two miniature humans, however; I'm not completely beat down......yet.

1 comment:

Caryn Sterricker said...

Coby, you are so funny! This same scenario plays out in our house often- and it seems apologies mean nothing to a 4 & 2 1/2 yr old who continue to beat on each other, and then won't let the other apologize. I keep explaining grace & forgiveness, but I guess thats still over their heads for now.... :) Ah, sibling love.... best friends & worst enemies sometimes. ANd I would classify myself as a WWE referee also.... all. day. long. THanks for the laughs!